Oh Happy Day-Every Day

Enough said. HAVE A GREAT DAY!

Rejoice With Me, I Have Found My Lost Keys.

Without waiting to see where it landed, I tossed the shovel I had in my hands into the air, and galloped inside and up the stairs, three at a time, into our apartment. Abby looked over from her chair in the dining room as I leaped into the room and hopped around as I tossed a snow crusted set of keys on the floor. Rejoice with me, I have found my lost keys!

They could have been anywhere. I had shoveled snow, started a fire, walked down the street, been in the garage, in the house, and in two houses down the street. I wrote down everything I could remember in the two hours between the keys last use and my awareness of their absence. (photo)Anxiety was high two days earlier on Friday night. Even after we wiggled a 35’ boom truck into our alley, and successfully avoided electrocution by high voltage power lines, to lift plywood and drywall into our attic....(photos below)

...Even after successfully avoiding broken limbs as we jumped 20’ off our roof into a snow bank. I was upset by the day’s end. I admit I wanted to drink more beer than my intelligence recommends to ineffectively ward off scary thoughts.

I walked the yard 20 times. I asked the neighbor to get into his houses again. I shoveled more snow. Clark and Audra helped look.

How much would replacements cost? Would they be able to cut a new set? $200? Rekey entire car? $500? $1000? After paying emma’s hospital bill, and putting in new windows…money wasn’t as accessible this month for us as it might have been in the past. I felt anxious. I felt like it was too small of item to ask God for help for. Even if I did pray, I felt unworthy of him answering it anyway, since I don't always pray as much as I could. I prayed anyway, but lacking the confidence the act on the cross offers.

I looked again on Saturday, in all the same places…5 or 6 times. I worried more. What if some young untrained youth found the keys and then found our car and then found our house? Should I re-key the house? Saturday came and went with no keys and more rotations of the stomach.

Sunday morning sniffed a bit like spring, so another walk in the alley and yard would be good for my winter lungs whether or not the prodigal keys made it home. I poked around for an hour or so, digging through ash remains of Fridays bonfire, eventually ending up with a shovel in the front yard.

The first raking motion of the shovel where I had slipped on the ice on Friday, exposed the lost little ring and evoked the giddy emotion that energized my Sunday morning stair bounding.

Immediately following the heel click dance, I was reminded of Luke 15. To remind myself of the details I looked it up. Three stories of lost things being found, and a celebration that came after. Personal connection to scriptures helps them come alive. The reason I lost my keys and the point of all of Luke 15 is to help me understand how heaven celebrates when a sinner repents, when a lost soul is found.

Thank you, Lord, for the keys.

Lord, make your search my search, and your find my find, so your celebration is my celebration.

Lord, we need your help because we are often more excited about found keys than found prodigals.

Emma Joy!

Emma Joy Theobald

born November 9, 2010

3:22pm

7 lbs 10 oz

20"

Our little Emma Joy is four weeks old today. She is all the sweetness you can imagine wrapped up in one growing bundle.

She is God's precious child, wonderfully made in His image, fully known and loved; entrusted to David and I for her days here on earth.

Her demeanor is calm, content, steady. She has a myriad of facial expressions at which we gawk and laugh and try to imitate. There's the pursed and pouty lips, the look of confusion with a furrowed brow, the smirky "man, that milk was good" side smile, the full face smile that could bring anyone joy, the glazed over "I'm really tired but am trying so hard to stay awake" face, the full face yawn, the stick-out-your-tongue face, and the list goes on...we could watch her for hours...

She is welcomed by a loving, believing family and close-knit community of friends who will love her like their own.

In such a short time we can't imagine life without Emma. What a gift we have in her!

Now, off to change another diaper! :)

Fall and Baby

We are big fans of fall in Minnesota. In fact, I think it's both David and I's favorite time of year. What's not to love about fresh air, beautifully colored leaves, bonfires, hot coffee/cider/hot chocolate/tea (take your pick), and getting to wear sweatpants?!

This morning we went to Whistling Well Farm to enjoy their orchard and goodies.

Mmmmm...honeycrisp (my favorite) and haralson (David's favorite) apples, the sun shining, and a baby in my belly, ready to make its entrance into this earth in just four weeks!

After finishing up our chores and the last touches on the Geranium duplex today, David and I got to work re-arranging our home to prepare for baby.

While it was certainly a physical transformation,

we're even more excited about what it did to mentally and emotionally prepare our minds and hearts. It was fun and necessary to spend the time together getting our thoughts around what life will be like and how we're going to do certain things, etc. We are one step closer to being ready for baby and enjoying this wonderful season!

Busy Is the New Lazy

We worked till 7:30pm or so on a house tonight, and till 9:30pm the night before.

(We keep forgetting to take pictures cause we're so task oriented!)

Frequently these days, I find myself saying "As soon as we finish this house, then I will...

...spend more time with people

...get other projects done

...slow down

...have more fun

...slow dance with abby

...help others with their needs

…give more money

…be more stable

I keep telling myself these long hours and intense focus are only a season, the same way a farmer works a few extra hours during the harvest.

And that is true, it is for a season, but the scary fact is, it is easier for me to work than slow, rest, plan, enjoy...and my fear is that it is a lifestyle I am moving towards, not simply season we are in.

My favorite quote right now is "Busyness is a form of laziness".

To me it means we are often too lazy to figure out how not to be busy, too lazy to say “no” to the unimportant things that make up our busyness.

Also, it is hard work to face the silence of leisure.

To slow down means I have to feel...and my feelings aren't always the easiest things to face. I feel anger, anxiety, depression, lonely, sadness along with joy, peace, and happiness. To stay busy means I don't have to wrestle with any of my internal world. I don't have to do the hard work of making sense of my emotion. So I stay busy.

I love that I was taught to rest on the Sabbath. My dad worked a ton, but always protected Sundays. I love that we even have a God who rested. Abby and I have always been good about avoiding work on Sundays.

And that is what we will do today! Rest.

The season will end. Because we will not be lazy about ending our busyness! And well, we have great people around us (including the Great Counselor) who will let us know if our season has turned into a lifestyle!

I was able to set my paint brush down for 20 minutes yesterday to throw the football with jake, the 10 year old neighbor boy. Next to yanking staples, slopping paint, wielding the vacuum hose, it was the most important thing I did yesterday!

Headaches

As most of you know, we're pregnant! (16 weeks along now)

(We just got to hear our little one's rapid little heartbeat again! So perfect.)

With pregnancy comes many beautiful moments, thoughts, fears, questions, physical changes, emotional changes, and seemingly some level of "growing up" that comes with the preparation and new responsibility of a life. It's wonderful!

For 2 1/2 weeks straight I recently had a tension headache, which was really starting to wear on me. Most nights after fighting through it all day at work (Tylenol didn't do a thing!), I'd have to just try and sleep it off, but would then wake up with it the next morning. I was frustrated. I started researching the causes and treatments. My midwife said to try massage or acupuncture, the former of which I did. Then my mom gave me this book on headaches that emphasized stress/anxiety as a main cause of tension headaches. I couldn't really think of anything obvious that was stressing me out-nothing I didn't seem to be taking in stride, both pregnancy related and non.

I went to sleep Monday night after reading some more of the book and woke up completely awake at 1:30am. My mind was running through various anxieties and thoughts so much so that I decided to finally get up. Maybe this was for a reason, I thought.

I poured everything out on three full notebook pages, laying down these anxieties, and just sharing my thoughts and prayers with the Lord. It felt so good because I could say exactly what I felt. I was understood. I was able to cry and talk to God like I haven't in awhile. It helped me realize that I really do trust Him to do His part. And most of all, I felt like God gave me this time to be vulnerable with Him so that He could soften my heart to receive His love in a fresh new way. Maybe God not letting me sleep was just Him pursuing His daughter, for which I am humbled and feel so loved. He knows what we need and is always willing to give it to us in His mercy.

If that wasn't good enough, He brought Psalm 23 to my mind and made it like a new revelation, particularly these parts:

"He makes me lie down in green pastures, He leads me beside quiet waters" (Lord, be my refuge and resting place!)

"Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for You are with me" (I am free from fear of evil!)

"Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life" (He has promised me these things if I choose to abide in Him and look to Him!)

Holy Spirit, empower us to live out your covenant love where there is no fear that inhibits, but rather love that empowers us to overcome evil and fix our eyes on You, the Creator and Finisher of everything. You are always good and loving. You are so very good. Thank you for pursuing us relentlessly!

...So I went back to bed by 5am and guess what?! I woke up the next morning for the first day in 2 1/2 weeks without a headache! The Lord actually gave me two days with no headaches.

Lord, thank you for your sovereignty; for your reign in the heavenly realms where you battle for us. Thank you for the freedom you gave me and the love you have shown me in this healing. I receive it as a gift from you and am so thankful!

...What a reminder to fight spiritually, not just physically. I'm still learning how to do this better. It's been back to daily headaches again, so I would appreciate any prayers for healing you can send my way! In the meantime, I am encouraged through faith and know the love of God for me, even in physical pain. I trust these headaches will seem more than worth it the day we get to hold the precious little one growing inside of me :)

Old Whispers

I was born a few years after the "Free-Love" movement, so I missed the hippy's efforts to draw the world towards perfection. An earlier birth might have prevented a couple of naive comments I am about to make, but I doubt it.

Who really listens to you?

Who hears your words and understands?

Who blesses you?

Who tells you you are of "infinite value" and "wonderfully created?"

Who affirms you?

Who do you feel safe around?

Who choses you?

Who includes you?

Who touches you in a selfless way?

A masseuse will touch you, but asks for payment at the end. A counselor/therapist will listen to you and understand you, but also asks for payment. Church would seem like a place for these to happen, yet more often then not, we hear a few words from a celebrity preacher, and slide out the door.

Our Culture is LOVE-DEFICIENT.

The demand, the need, the longing of culture is to be Loved.

I know it because my soul craves it.

Every addictive, criminal, and behavioral problem stems from love starvation.

I long and desire to be filled by "A Source",

Sometimes I make friends so that I will feel affirmed by them.

I give hugs, just so I can feel the warmth.

I am often selfish.

Yet I want to be filled, filled so full that I overflow with selfless desire to give. I find it quite difficult to love anyone more than I love myself, to put their interests higher than mine...yet this is what I pray for. It is what I need, and the world needs!

Receive. The first part, the hardest part. It is funny how much I try to serve God, when really he is like the sun. I cannot do anything to make him burn hotter or brighter. I could run to the nearest service station, fill a five gallon pail of gasoline, go into an open field, and toss it into the sky...hoping to encourage the sun to burn another moment or two. Inane!

That word is mighty close to the word insane.

It is insane. I can't increase my exposure to the nourishing vitamin D by working harder.

I can only position myself to receive. Rest. Haha...I can't earn the suns light! I can't do anything to deserve it more or less. So I sit in it's heat. I must find places to sit in His heat. I can't give out of an empty cup.

So even on this cold rainy day. I am going to sun-bathe. I am going to lay on the carpet with my arms open...and talk quietly to The Source. After receiving, from the Provider, my belief is that I will be more equipped to offer love others by

affirming them.

listening to them.

touching them.

showing them safety.

chosing them.

including them.

Loving them...

So partake in the "too-good-to-be-true" gospel. Do nothing!

The overflow of it will change the needy world!

Ultimate Compassion

So, this won't the last time you'll hear from me about the topics of compassion and poverty. I feel as though I am on a quest to discover how these things are to play out in my life. I believe these issues are too close to the heart of God for me to ignore, and I find God drawing me further into His heart.

This past weekend, I attended a conference put on by Woodland Hills Church in St. Paul, called Ultimate Compassion (www.ultimatecompassion.com). This event was part of this body of Christ's effort to learn about and better live out the calling of Jesus to "bring good news to the poor."

From a spiritual perspective, it opened my eyes to the war between good and evil. What other explanation could there be that such prosperity can live right next to such poverty? Ephesians 6:12 says that "our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." They explained that the cultures we live in, the "systems" we operate in are these powers/principalities. It is hard to see the systems we live in since they are the air we breathe. But they are de-humanizing. Our political system and economy couldn't even support itself if the poor came out of poverty. Their staying there is how we stay where we are or "move up in the world".

Action steps:
We must put aside our judgments, admit that our privilege and power is unmerited, and be responsible for it.
We must admit that we are all racist on some level.
We must accept our history and turn our eyes to Jesus so we can learn how to live out a truly Christ-like love.
We must realize that as the body of Christ, when one suffers, we all suffer.
We must acknowledge that every human being is a child of God, worthy of "life to the full". We were ALL saved by grace!

JESUS WAS A REVOLUTIONARY. He revolted against every cultural norm with no desire to appease people or build an empire and "rule". Rather, He told the people that following Him was going to cost them, and that their rewards would be found in heaven. His main ministry was to the poor, broken, and neglected.
So if God came to bring good news to the poor, what is the good news I bring them in the way I live my life? What would it look like to revolt against the American system and put the causes of Christ before the cultural norms?

These are questions I must ask myself, because I want to be in the heart of God, and I know it is not my natural tendency to lay down my life for the Kingdom. Poverty is such a huge issue. I don't claim to have everything figured out, but I know that God is asking more of me than to just live comfortably and feel good about serving the poor every once in awhile...He wants our whole heart! And He promises fullness of life as we give ours away...

Thy Kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.

I welcome any discussion over this issue!
Abby

"Who do you say I am?"

Today, I am refreshed.

I decided I needed to take a good chunk of time to sit alone with the Lord, so I turned on some worship music and cozied up under a blanket with my Bible and journal.

Work in particular has been really stressful for the last couple of months. People around the world are in so much need. My position is unique in that although I am involved on the operational side of things that requires objective input, meetings about inventory numbers and scheduling containers to pick up in the right places, etc, I am also in contact and/or relationship with many people around the world. Each one is in a different situation with varying needs. Of course, FMSC cannot meet all the needs that are put before us. It is my job to manage the needs and requests that come to us with compassion, offering hope to many who are suffering through conversation, connecting them to other international partners, or just praying for them. I am honored to carry this daily burden and offer Christ in me to them as much as possible.

But lately it has been too much for me. I have felt that I have nothing to give them. I have felt hopelessness. The recent destruction and death resulting from the typhoons in the Philippines has made me want to run and hide because I cannot understand such great suffering.

So here I was, looking to rest in God's presence and running to Him in hopes that He would be my hiding place. Where else could I go?

I started writing, mostly petitions to God that He would release me from these heavy burdens and come to the rescue of His people. But you can only plead with Him for so long before having to acknowledge the great God that He is, because to know Him is to trust Him enough to release your burdens to Him.

All the above is to preface this declaration of who our God is, especially in the midst of suffering and corruption:

You are God, my God, Lover of all, Restorer of all things, Provider, Healer, Redeemer, Sovereign King, Keeper of justice, worthy of judging, gracious and merciful, "other than", Father, our Comfort, our Hiding Place, our Resting Place, wise and honorable, always loving, never late. My we run to Him, our Solution, our Source, the Giver of freedom. He is always good. He is our only hope. He is YAHWEH!

May we always run to God and remind ourselves of who He is and always has been, especially in the midst of hardship, confusion, misunderstanding, and hopelessness. It is only through Him that we can be equipped to endure the weight of this world, being empowered by the knowledge of who He is and the hope that is for all to receive only through Him. Let us fix our eyes on Him who is the great I AM.

Time Flies

I simply can't believe how fast time flies. In fact, I've even become anxious about this fact of life. But is it that? Or do I have more control over this feeling that time is evading me; that I somehow almost float through each day and onto the next one?

Of course, there is so much to do. The realization hit me lately that I constantly have a list running through my head. This must be so that just in case I have a spare moment or canceled plan, I will know just what to do and I'll feel good about it (being productive and efficient)... Wow, that looks really bad when written down! What about rest for the mind? Guilt-free "doing nothing" time? Time to learn while reading a book, write a thank you note, or just process the day?

It's funny to me too that when I've shared this with others, they have felt the same way. And those who are older than I am tell me life only gets faster...(what!!?!!) It begs the question,
What are we really doing with the days we are given?
Don't get me wrong, there are numerous opportunities in my day to minister to someone I come across, whether it be my co-worker, friend, spouse, a stranger. There are those phone calls in perfect timing to pray for a friend, and walks around the lake in the summertime connecting with David that remind us of the beauty God made for us to enjoy. But there are also moments or seasons of monotonous labor, uninteresting conversations, and repetitive tasks...In all of this it seems that many of us miss the bigger picture of our lives. We get caught up in the details and to-do lists, and forget the reason we have and do life in the first place: to love Jesus and to love others.

There may be a constant battle in our lives over our time and how it is spent. We all long to live lives of purpose, to be remembered for something great, to have done life well. So do the puzzle pieces that are our days fit together to create this kind of bigger picture? This is a question I will ask myself more than once!

There must be a place of inner rest-a place of peace that nothing can touch; not the pace of life or our circumstances; not world hunger or a cloudy day.

I will count each day a gift. I will ask God to open my eyes. I will stop to "smell the roses". I will have words of thankfulness always on the tip of my tongue. I will spend time with my Father and find inner rest in His presence that goes with me each day!
Much Love,
Abby

A New Place to Call Home

Hello again!
Our break in blogging can be fully justified by the before and after pictures shown here! We present to you (the lower unit of) 848 Cook Ave:

For all pictures, go to:
http://picasaweb.google.com/abbyjeantheobald/848CookAve?feat=directlink

Our friends, Clark and Audra Field moved in last Saturday, February 28th! They and so many of you put hours of hard work and sweat into this place, so we want to say THANK YOU SO MUCH for your generosity! We realize how precious and valuable TIME is in life, and thank you for giving yours.
David and I had a lot of fun. It truly was a great opportunity for us to work together towards the same goal. We experienced excitement, stress, tiredness, sillyness, seriousness, and playfulness. But most of all, togetherness! We feel that this house is a gift from God to be used as a tool to bless others who enter its doors. We pray that God will open them to the right people always!

David and I desire to live in the upper unit of the duplex for awhile, and need to rent out the house we currently live in to do so. This supports our vision for living in community and we're excited about its financial implications too! Please help us spread the word, preferably to those whom you know...as always, thanks for "doing life with us"!

A Wonderful Gathering

What a month it has been in preparation for Feed My Starving Children's second annual Partner Conference, a gathering of all its mission partners to introduce them to each other and discuss new strategies that will result in more efficient operations, complementary relationships, and in the end, more children fed, in body and in spirit. The whole theme was "The Velocity of Hunger" and Psalm 70:5 which says, "Yet I am poor and needy; come quickly to me, O God. You are my help and my deliverer; O Lord, do not delay!"

Last year we hosted about 25 partners, and this year 75! We had partners fly into Florida from Swaziland, Haiti, El Salvador, and all over the United States. We had logistics partners and "our" nutrionist join us as well. What an amazing group of people to meet! You have to understand what a blessing it is to see them face-to-face, as I typically only get to talk to them on the phone or over email. Sometimes I had to stop and wonder, "How did I get to be a part of this?"

As I sit here in my hotel room trying to process all that has transpired, my first response is to sincerely thank the Lord for His presence with us, for proving faithful in connecting His body! For such a time and place is this that the Lord has brought us together to build each other up and encourage one another to do good works for the glory of the Lord.
Ephesians 4:1,16, "As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received... From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work."

It's easy to get discouraged some days when you think about how desperate our world is, in body and in spirit. But as I learn more and more to embrace all that comes with life-conflict, your "calling", challenges, burdens-I continually realize something that gives me purpose in doing what I'm doing here at this place and time: It is better to experience and live out the heart of God (and in doing so, better understand how much He loves all of us) than to live indifferently with no burden or angst for His children to know Him. "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." Hebrews 11:1 Praise God that He equips us to go into the world for the advancement of His Kingdom!

I guess I'm just thankful. It's difficult to articulate any other emotion at the moment. After sharing and collaborating with all our partners-even as an introvert-I have gained enormous energy and experienced overwhelming joy in seeing the body of Christ coming together. We're excited to move forward!
Thanks for processing this with me! :)
Much love,
Abby

A New Purchase

Here are a few random pics from our purchase this week.
We are excited to get going on it next week when Abby gets back from Florida.
From the exterior it looks very much like our current house.
The inside is radically different.
It is a up/down duplex.
The 50's looking kitchen is full-size on the main floor.
The white kitchen is the upstairs, needs some work.
It has a great front porch (as shown)

I hope you will all be able to see it "live" very soon.
We will love the opportunity to see you there...even if it is with a paint brush in your hand.
I guess work is sometimes a good excuse to get together!

We are looking for tenants for our current house...if you know of anybody...
We are excited to live in community with our friends Clark & Audra in the duplex as soon as it is ready!

We got published!!!

Though putting words on the internet is really no big deal these days...(after all I am doing it right now...no big whoopee...)we are still excited to be published on an actual online magazine called "Prodigal Son Magazine"

Here is the link www.prodigalmagazine.com
The story is titled "How the Cross Saved Christmas"

Thanks for reading.
David & Abby

Stealing Christmas 2007

As a romantic, I am always thinking of ideas to be creative with my wife, Abby, yet as an idealist and with a propensity for passivity, ninety percent of those ideas never come to fruition. But, I was not going let our first Christmas together slip by without a “you’re-the-only-one-for-me” moment.

There is always a slight fear in me when I step into the spontaneous, unknown world of romance. “Will she like it?” “What if it flops?” “Is it selfish?” “What if we get in bad moods and ruin it?” “Couldn’t I be more productive with this time?” “Wouldn’t it be better to go straight to bed, than waste good sleep time?”

Abby is much more detail-oriented than I am. When I come up with an idea, she lovingly questions how it is really going to function. She takes care of the details of things she owns quite well, and gets upset when they are not cared for. Abby generally adopts new ideas much more quickly, if they have been primed beforehand.

But this romantic idea was simple and genius, and I believed it would start a spicy, yearly Christmas tradition in our home. It would go off without a hitch!

During the Christmas season, the first lights to get turned on in the morning and the last ones to get turned off at night are on our Christmas tree. The thousand little bulbs provide such a comfy-soft atmosphere, that they scream romance!

After a full Christmas day of gatherings with both of our families, we finally made it home by nine or ten at night. We both get energized from quieter times in our life, so events that require much socializing usually leave us both a bit worn. And it’s no secret that the offspring of tiredness is typically crabbiness.

So we were both a bit on edge as we pulled our Jeep into its parking spot, and rustled through the incredible fresh snow to our back door. Usually when we are crabby, we avoid each other by doing things on our to-do list. Productive… yes…but not effective. We hide behind busyness to avoid the conflict on hand.

But tonight’s conflict was mild. If ten is burning rage, and one is a passing argument, then our Christmas day crabbiness was like a two. So she distracted herself in the kitchen doing dishes, and I thought it was the perfect time for me to begin implementing my suave plan.

I went upstairs and began to shred the sheets from our mattress. Three short months of marriage had released a small amount of wisdom in how to interact lovingly with her personality. So, I yelled from upstairs, as I lifted the mattress up off of its frame, “I am planning something, Abby… Have an open mind!” And for emphasis I repeated, “Have an open mind, babe,” as I rounded the corner to slide the mattress on edge down the stairs.

The mattress slid easily down the wooden stairs. In my giddy excitement, I would have ridden the thing like a toboggan-if only our stairwell had been wide enough!

I braced myself for the climax of the surprise, as it would soon be revealed to Abby. With the mattress still on edge, I tentatively rounded the corner at the bottom of the stairs where I immediately came into direct line of sight of Abby standing at the kitchen sink.

My face was beaming. I was so proud of my idea, and the fact that I was actually implementing it. Ignoring the crabby, fearful and lazy thoughts, I was really doing it!

Abby’s attention to detail and care for her possessions drew her to speak quick sharp word, “Are the sheets on that?”

“No,” I said and responded quickly hoping to appease her and win her over, “Only the mattress cover!”

“Oh great,” she replied sarcastically, “something even more permanent to get dirty.”

“Calm, David, Calm” I said to myself as I moved the mattress from the hallway to the living room floor in front of the Christmas tree.

But rage triggered explosively inside me. My mind raced with thoughts. The pain of her criticism had dug into my core. “She cares more about this *&^(* mattress than about us. I try to be creative and pursue her; I try to be romantic, and look where it ends up. See if I ever try anything creative again!”

In a matter of 30 seconds the conflict had jumped from a level three to a seven. My kettle was steaming, so as soon as the mattress hit the floor, I decided to pick it right back up again and bring it back upstairs to return it to its usual spot. If she cared so much about the mattress, then from now on it would stay in its nice, safe place in our bedroom. No romantic night sleeping in front of the Christmas tree for her!

I hoped she would realize how tragic her comments were. I would show her how she had messed up, and screwed everything up. So, I huffed in child-like stubbornness, hoping my anger would lead to incredible strength to get the mattress back up the stairs by myself.

I only got halfway up the stairs before I realized that the weight and bulk of the mattress would prevent me from getting it up the stairs by myself. I would need her help to get the mattress back up. How annoying to humble myself to ask for her help. I wanted to “punish” her.

So I relented slightly and asked for her help, but I wouldn’t talk to her anymore. I won’t let her thaw my icy shoulder. I won’t forgive her for days-or ever. She had to realize how much she hurt me, and never do something so painful again. She had to learn.

We got it back up the stairs, and I slid it back to our room and then to the frame.

My heart went dormant as rage was now pumping my blood. I hastily made the bed, then brushed aggressively past Abby, who was standing in the doorway to our room, hoping for reconciliation. “I will not back down,” I thought. “I am hurt, she has to pay! She owes me. I will make her pay!”

I did my normal bathroom routine, avoiding the mirror, avoiding the beastly look that must have been on my face, and climbed into bed. As far as I could get on my side of the bed, I knew I wouldn’t be able to sleep. I knew we needed to reconcile. I knew she was ready, but I felt no strength. My rage overpowered me.

We knew we were on the same team, and that someone else was the enemy, not each other. We had attended a marriage conference before we were married. At this conference, we had learned that our sin needed to come up, out, onto the cross. We had learned that the cross would always be where we could come back together. It was like the fork in the road that we would both return to when there was conflict. Conflict was always a result of one or both of us leaving the humble foot of the cross and forgetting the freeing work that was accomplished there. As a result, a month or two into our marriage, we put a 4’ high cross in our spare bedroom.

That Christmas night, we had both walked away from truth, pledging allegiance and loyalty to ourselves, not to Christ.

Abby, was the first to humble herself and return to the cross. She was sobbing there, in thes spare bedroom on her knees, as I was lying in bed raging, wondering how I long I would have to be silent to her to even up the score. After ten minutes or more Abby came into our room and gently asked if I was going to join her at the cross. At first, I didn’t even answer. She asked me again before I responded,

“Yeah, when I am ready, in a little while” I muttered stiffly.

She went back to our spare bedroom and cried out again, “Jesus, we need you!” And repeated and sobbed again and again, “Jesus, we need you!”

And I heard His voice in my heart saying, “Forgive as I have forgiven you. I have forgiven you of so much! How can you hold unforgiveness towards her? Pick up the stupid mattress, take it back downstairs, and invite your wife to join you. That is the only way this will end.” I could not humble myself. Stubbornness held me pinned to the bed. I wanted revenge. I would not move. Yet I knew reconciliation was sweet, not to mention how great forgiveness is. I knew I wanted my life to write a great story, and that reconciliation is foundational for a great story. But knowing and acting were not aligning.

Somewhere I must have inhaled a mustard seed, because I received just enough push to get me out from under the covers. I met Abby in the dark room, on her knees in front of the greatest symbol of healing and reconciliation, the cross. What was frozen, melted. What was rage, softened. What was hurt, healed. What was judgement, forgiveness. No magic words, no persuasion, no manipulation. We shared pure humility as we stared our Maker and Savior in the face at the foot of the cross where He redeemed us from all our junk.

We had experienced our own resurrection! We were dead, but now alive. And life in marriage is a powerful thing!

We grabbed the mattress together, with the pad still on it, and drug it down the stairs. We brought down the sheets, and pillows and made the bed in front of the dimly lit tree. With redeemed energy we undeservedly came together to experience spirit to spirit intimacy under the tree.

A beautiful, unexpected Christmas gift that we will cherish and re-cherish for years to come.

Pursued

We all love the upcoming holidays...Thanksgiving and Christmas bring a spirit with them that we all want to dwell in for longer than we make time to...

You may have noticed a lack of blogging in the past couple of months...In follow-up to David's last post about being "good" and "busy", I too have felt the hustle and bustle of life, and allowed myself to stray from spending time with the Giver of life, let alone time to process or write down any thoughts. In the midst of doing so, I even questioned why I do this to myself...sort of like when Paul says, "I do what I do not want to do"...such a mysterious phenomenon that plagues humanity and reveals our mortal nature. Though all the while, my heart longed to connect with my Father. You know, when your heart truly desires to find rest, peace, truth-everything and anything good, and you feel drawn to just be in the presence of God? For this, I am so grateful, that God would create me to be in relationship with Him at all times; to desire Him over anything else. Apart from Him, I really cannot do anything so well, as I am limited to my human strength and ability to do, do, do, rather than be, be, be. For all the times I've chosen not to rest in the Lord, He still draws me to Himself! How awesome is He! This Thanksgiving, the thing I am most grateful for is that my God pursues me relentlessly.

I chose to spend some time with Him this morning-just me and Him-in the Word and in prayer. I did not have any revelations, but I experienced His presence again and became overwhelmed with thankfulness. I suddenly had new insight and words of encouragement for friends and family who have shared struggles and asked for prayer, whereas before I had nothing to give them. I felt "full" again!

This is nothing new and an ongoing lesson learned...I wonder if I will I ever just "get it" and live it out. If I want to have a fruitful ministry, a flourishing marriage, blessed friendships, and one day a family founded in Christ's love, I must be in direct communication with the Source of all these things.

May you realize the Lord's relentless pursuit of you, His child, and may He be your Source today!

How are you doing today?

I wonder what the top ten answers to that question are?  I would love to take a survey to find out. I have been paying more attention to my own response to that question recently.  I answer that question and similar ones 90% of the time with "Busy" or "Good".

So what if people remembered us based on our top two answers to that question?  I guess people would remember me as "David BusyGood" or "Mister GoodBusy".  Isn't our life just the sum of a bunch of days?  And what if a majority of those days I was simply "Good-n-busy"?  That is a crappy thing to be remembered by, a crappy thing to have on a gravestone. I would be remembered for having a full schedule, and enjoying it at a slightly positive level.  Boring.   

Soon my answers will be more like "Awesome! You gotta hear about my week..."  or "Wow, things are going great! Want to hear hear why?"  or if I am really hurting to say "not great...want to hear about it?".    I am excited to get out of this hyperactive mediocrity,  Full-of-motion-void- of-life kind of thingy...I hope y'all will slap me next time you hear "good" or "busy" in explaining how I am doing.  It's either that wake up slap or I continue to put you to sleep by giving you my dissertation on why my life is just "good" or "busy", something you are probably not all that intrigued by anyway.

How do you want people to remember you?

What will the sum of your individual days be?

Hybrid - an efficient blend of two previous posts

Politics and sexuality. Two topics that can raise the intensity of a room within seconds.

As I work with many guys, there is an eye opening quantity of young men struggling with their sexual identity. There are countless names for them; gays, homosexuals, sodomists, etc, most names are better left unsaid. Many are men who grew up in church, in Christian homes.

Before I personally knew any men who have "same-sex-attraction" (SSA), I verbally swung my right-slanted opinions like a baseball bat at the Precious Moments museum. I thought "How gross!", "How dirty!", "How messed up they are!", "They should just change!". "Ban that behavior!", "Immoral!"

As with any other opinion, the fewer people we know and interact with who have life experience that confronts ours, the more "close-minded" we become; the more our politics and theology become one-sided.

I was (and probably still am in some areas) close-minded for sure.

This ideology came from somewhere...(I don't plan on shredding my conservative roots, especially since I believe my mom subscribes to this blog)...but I will point a stick at the hush-hush approach of the church...who is generally either silent on this issue or extremely harsh. It was either "We have no idea what to do with this issue, and cannot admit that there are men in our congregation wrestling with these things", or "Let's beat the gayness out of them with a Bible".

When I meet men who are attracted to other men, neither of these positions is very effective in interacting with them. And if they are interested in not having these attractions, and want help, neither silence nor abuse are effective tools.

I have gained some insight into this complex issue in the past few months.

The root of a man's homosexual desire is a healthy longing for genuine non-sexual male to male intimacy.
(re-read previous sentence)

This healthy, God-given, longing just gets twisted, and sexualized. At it's core, the longing is GOOD, but it emerges at the surface as a sexual issue. The core issue is NOT sexual.

I interact with a couple guys every week who are attracted sexually to other men. In their transformational process, it has been exciting for me to learn to affirm men within this struggle. It is very fun to tell them that they have "healthy" inner longings, but simply a misdirected outlet to meet those longings. Acting on those longing sexually, will never meet the deeper longings.

I enjoy telling them the truth that they are not "messed up" at their core.

I would love for them to be able to walk into church without shame on their faces, without fear that they will be shunned for their behavior. I would love for all my friends and family to have no phobia or anger when it comes to SSA, (even the most extreme and annoying ones because well...there are plenty of christians who are equally extreme and annoying) I would love for people who follow Christ to have a gracious understanding of what is really going on inside.

Here is a 17 minute video from the President-elect, Dr. Julie Harren-Hamilton, of NARTH (National association for research and therapy of Homosexuality). No, it is not graphic. I believe every christian, especially those who care to voice their opinions at times like I do, should know the basics that this video teaches. Enjoy.

Also, to fathers, your boys really need you!

www.homosexuality101.com

As always, comments are welcome.
Even rebuttals...debate can be healthy education...

Much Love,
David

Abby for President

I have complained my fair share of times recently about how as a taxpayer I am going to have pay for the wealthy, corrupt executives of Fannie and Freddie to continue their failing business policies.

I have worried a good 6 months off of my life thinking about what Abby and I would do if things hit bottom.

I have strategized until my head pounds of how to make lemonade out of the economic situation.

I want to blame those "idiot" politicians for their "socialistic" tendencies...and tell them to "get their greedy-power-hungry-hands out of the cookie jar".

I called my senators and congresspeople for the first time ever last week. I wanted no part of the bailout, and I wanted to voice my opinion. (obviously my expressed opinion did not sway the bills outcome)

And all this aforementioned activity came to a humbling halt this morning as we heard wise words from our pastor.

"What if you spent half the time you complain about the 'terrible times', praying for them?"

"Is God more concerned about a sleeping church or a corrupt government?"

"Can God, has God used corrupt leaders for his own purpose and glory in the past?" Nehemiah 1 & 2

"What would happen if God's people humbled ourselves and prayed?" 2 Chronicles 7:13-14

Convicting... I know...I had to apologize to Abby after the sermon. I passionately encouraged her to call our congressperson as well last week. Not once did I initiate time with her before our Creator seeking his face over the matters at hand.

Some trust in horses (our defense system), some in chariots (our own wisdom), but we trust in the name of the Lord our God. Ps. 20:7

I am guessing that is why I feel excessive stress over this complicated issue. I was trusting in my own strength, our government's strength, our economy's strength.

Silly how simple the first step is...pray.  Comment with your insights!

...and if Abby were elected president...well...I am not sure about her foreign policies...but... at least we'd all have a very good-looking president!

One Year!

Wow! ONE YEAR. Romance, conflict, adventure, friendship, tears, playfulness, fears, faith...

BECOMING "ONE"!

We've had fun. We've struggled. We've gained greater understanding of each other. We've learned to love with grace. We've learned to fight with love. We've been surrounded by loving family and friends. We've experienced God's faithfulness and transforming power that redeems our lives for His glory! We love Him and we love each other.

We celebrated our "honeymoon" as I kept calling it, with a long weekend trip to Duluth, to experience the beauty of fall in MN and "JUST BE", something we have to make ourselves do sometimes :) I kept calling it our honeymoon, and finally decided to stop correcting myself because it made us more giddy anyway, remembering who we were one year ago...

Married life together finally feels "normal", rather than another transition or path unknown. We are "all in" and can't imagine life any other way! How exciting to experience the "oneness" God created for us to know, to be able to learn more about the love He put into all His designs through it. God is a genius! Everything good comes from Him. We thank Him for giving us love to share with each other...

Thank you for being in our lives this year, seeing us through some crazy life changes! We couldn't have done it without you :) Thanks for your genuine questions, wise insights, and intentional prayers on our behalf. Thank you for keeping us accountable to have fun amidst all the things that vie for our time! Thank you for being a part of "us"!

Much love