"You Probably Don't Want To Do That..."

"Why do we even have a porch if we hardly use it?"

I pondered this last Saturday morning. My insides were pushing me to get my day going, and see how quickly I could bang out a Saturday's worth of to-dos. Abby and I are both "doers" - we feel great after a day of accomplishment. A day of sitting usually drives us nuts. Work is play to us. We generally enjoy it. We love checking boxes, crossing off items, and seeing things through to completion. We aren't the best at rest.

So the question haunted me. "Do I just like the idea of a porch or do I really like the porch?"

So, when Abby returned home that morning with two coffee beverages that cost enough to demand our undivided enjoyment, I made up my mind that we would procrastinate our to do list, and sit for a bit on our front porch.

While we sat on our white plastic chairs, she reading, and I writing in my little black journal...

I noticed a young man walking up the center of our street. He crossed the intersection to our block and continued up the sidewalk in front of our house. He was carrying something...though from a distance I could not make out what it was, and I wanted to assume the best...

Foot traffic is not uncommon in front of our house. Three houses down on the corner is a bus stop...so many of our kind neighbors pass by daily on their individual paths. But a rainy Saturday morning at nine o'clock generally yields lower traffic numbers. So, it added a bit of strange-ness to see a young male up and motivated at this hour on a weekend.

My eyes followed him up the sidewalk towards our house, until he disappeared behind the column that keeps our porch from falling on our heads. At a normal walking pace I expected him to emerge on the other side of the column in a matter of two seconds. He did not.

Strange...

Then, he did emerge, but not on the sidewalk. He had turned ninety degrees towards the street and started walking perpendicular to the sidewalk. Four steps and he arrived at the passenger door of a light blue Dodge Intrepid parked there.

"Wow" I wondered, "Is he going to try to break into that car in broad daylight?" Abby and I knew that the car was owned by our hispanic neighbors two doors down...apparently of no relation to this weekend pedestrian.

But still wanting to believe the best in him, we watched to see if he'd prove himself.

Next thing we know, he reached out and pulled a set of keys out of the passenger door lock that must've been left there by mistake!

By now we had lost interest in our book and journal to the "reality TV" that was playing out right in front of us. Would he attempt to return the keys? Would he actually steal the car?

He slid the keys from the spot where they had spent the rainy night. Looked right, and looked left, and was satisfied that no one was watching. He was probably giddy with this Saturday morning "provision" and in his own spiritual understanding, he might have even prayed a prayer thanking God for revealing the precious key ring to him.

As he strided around the front of the car, the possession in his right hand became clear. From my small knowledge of alchohol (mostly from what Abby tells me), I would guess that his other hand grasped a bottle of Jamison Irish Whiskey. Even if my brand guess is off, it was definitely liquor, at least 1/4 empty, and containing enough liquid to leave 4 grown men quite tipsy.

I decided to do some quick math...
Misdirected Young man + Bottle + Car Keys + Surging adrenaline = Not good.

"I really think he's gonna steal that car, babe," Abby interrupted the curious silence we had both fallen into, "We should do something!". Without saying anything, I showed my agreement by rising and slowly moving towards the storm door.

Looking back on the moment, it is one of those events that makes you wonder, "How did I know what to do and say in that moment?" Most people I know don't rehearse lines to eloquently stop someone from stealing a car before their eyes.

So I opened the door just enough to lean out, and keep my white socks clean and dry on the porch floor to confidently say, "You probably don't want to do that."

Caught! More adrenaline!
And he obviously did not rehearse his lines either or the adrenaline scared it out of him, because he responded by raising his hands and saying, "Uh..I just found these keys."

"Yeah, I think they belong to my neighbor" I said. "Two doors down." as I pointed to their front steps.

I had no idea if I should go and introduce myself to him, take the keys, or the bottle, lecture him on the ten commandments, or invite him in for some coffee. In the awkwardness of the moment...I figured to let it all slide. He walked compliantly to within 20' of the neighbor's house and tossed the keys onto the middle step, kept a firm grip with his other hand, spun around and kept walking towards his original destination.

As I write, I keep thinking that the climax of this story might have been greater if we had let him steal the car.  It might have been more dramatic as well if we got a chance to hear about the pain in his life that was buried under the strong morning beverage...

Either way, we were glad for our morning porch time. Afterall, our half hour or so of stillness allowed us to have opportunities we wouldn't have had otherwise. The most obvious is the chance to open the door for grace towards this young man as he was interrupted of destructive behavior. Another opportunity is to have a story to share with our friends.

Upon telling the story, as I have four or five times now, I can't help but feel like Abby and I were a part of something bigger than ourselves. I must say, the reward of preventing a car theft sure beats checking the item, "fix dishwasher" off of a list. The latter could be accomplished by hard work, the former could only be accomplished by being available. With this type of outcome, we hope to make ourselves available quite regularly!