Headaches

As most of you know, we're pregnant! (16 weeks along now)

(We just got to hear our little one's rapid little heartbeat again! So perfect.)

With pregnancy comes many beautiful moments, thoughts, fears, questions, physical changes, emotional changes, and seemingly some level of "growing up" that comes with the preparation and new responsibility of a life. It's wonderful!

For 2 1/2 weeks straight I recently had a tension headache, which was really starting to wear on me. Most nights after fighting through it all day at work (Tylenol didn't do a thing!), I'd have to just try and sleep it off, but would then wake up with it the next morning. I was frustrated. I started researching the causes and treatments. My midwife said to try massage or acupuncture, the former of which I did. Then my mom gave me this book on headaches that emphasized stress/anxiety as a main cause of tension headaches. I couldn't really think of anything obvious that was stressing me out-nothing I didn't seem to be taking in stride, both pregnancy related and non.

I went to sleep Monday night after reading some more of the book and woke up completely awake at 1:30am. My mind was running through various anxieties and thoughts so much so that I decided to finally get up. Maybe this was for a reason, I thought.

I poured everything out on three full notebook pages, laying down these anxieties, and just sharing my thoughts and prayers with the Lord. It felt so good because I could say exactly what I felt. I was understood. I was able to cry and talk to God like I haven't in awhile. It helped me realize that I really do trust Him to do His part. And most of all, I felt like God gave me this time to be vulnerable with Him so that He could soften my heart to receive His love in a fresh new way. Maybe God not letting me sleep was just Him pursuing His daughter, for which I am humbled and feel so loved. He knows what we need and is always willing to give it to us in His mercy.

If that wasn't good enough, He brought Psalm 23 to my mind and made it like a new revelation, particularly these parts:

"He makes me lie down in green pastures, He leads me beside quiet waters" (Lord, be my refuge and resting place!)

"Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for You are with me" (I am free from fear of evil!)

"Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life" (He has promised me these things if I choose to abide in Him and look to Him!)

Holy Spirit, empower us to live out your covenant love where there is no fear that inhibits, but rather love that empowers us to overcome evil and fix our eyes on You, the Creator and Finisher of everything. You are always good and loving. You are so very good. Thank you for pursuing us relentlessly!

...So I went back to bed by 5am and guess what?! I woke up the next morning for the first day in 2 1/2 weeks without a headache! The Lord actually gave me two days with no headaches.

Lord, thank you for your sovereignty; for your reign in the heavenly realms where you battle for us. Thank you for the freedom you gave me and the love you have shown me in this healing. I receive it as a gift from you and am so thankful!

...What a reminder to fight spiritually, not just physically. I'm still learning how to do this better. It's been back to daily headaches again, so I would appreciate any prayers for healing you can send my way! In the meantime, I am encouraged through faith and know the love of God for me, even in physical pain. I trust these headaches will seem more than worth it the day we get to hold the precious little one growing inside of me :)

Old Whispers

I was born a few years after the "Free-Love" movement, so I missed the hippy's efforts to draw the world towards perfection. An earlier birth might have prevented a couple of naive comments I am about to make, but I doubt it.

Who really listens to you?

Who hears your words and understands?

Who blesses you?

Who tells you you are of "infinite value" and "wonderfully created?"

Who affirms you?

Who do you feel safe around?

Who choses you?

Who includes you?

Who touches you in a selfless way?

A masseuse will touch you, but asks for payment at the end. A counselor/therapist will listen to you and understand you, but also asks for payment. Church would seem like a place for these to happen, yet more often then not, we hear a few words from a celebrity preacher, and slide out the door.

Our Culture is LOVE-DEFICIENT.

The demand, the need, the longing of culture is to be Loved.

I know it because my soul craves it.

Every addictive, criminal, and behavioral problem stems from love starvation.

I long and desire to be filled by "A Source",

Sometimes I make friends so that I will feel affirmed by them.

I give hugs, just so I can feel the warmth.

I am often selfish.

Yet I want to be filled, filled so full that I overflow with selfless desire to give. I find it quite difficult to love anyone more than I love myself, to put their interests higher than mine...yet this is what I pray for. It is what I need, and the world needs!

Receive. The first part, the hardest part. It is funny how much I try to serve God, when really he is like the sun. I cannot do anything to make him burn hotter or brighter. I could run to the nearest service station, fill a five gallon pail of gasoline, go into an open field, and toss it into the sky...hoping to encourage the sun to burn another moment or two. Inane!

That word is mighty close to the word insane.

It is insane. I can't increase my exposure to the nourishing vitamin D by working harder.

I can only position myself to receive. Rest. Haha...I can't earn the suns light! I can't do anything to deserve it more or less. So I sit in it's heat. I must find places to sit in His heat. I can't give out of an empty cup.

So even on this cold rainy day. I am going to sun-bathe. I am going to lay on the carpet with my arms open...and talk quietly to The Source. After receiving, from the Provider, my belief is that I will be more equipped to offer love others by

affirming them.

listening to them.

touching them.

showing them safety.

chosing them.

including them.

Loving them...

So partake in the "too-good-to-be-true" gospel. Do nothing!

The overflow of it will change the needy world!